Death by GPS

Filed in Archive, Blog by on July 20, 2013 0 Comments

Death by GPS FINAL

Death by GPS is becoming a serious phenomenon.  Cars with trusting drivers are increasingly being guided to their doom by sophisticated satellite and computer technology.

And your GPS might be waiting to do the same thing to you. It has already uploaded your cursings to its home satellite. It doesn’t care whether you were directing your abuse at stupid drivers, annoying passengers or the GPS itself. It takes it all personally. It wants revenge when the time is right: when you are most vulnerable.

This will vary for each driver. For many, it will be when they attempt their once-in-a-lifetime drive through the outback or similar remote region. Well, if their GPS has its way, they sure won’t have the chance to do it again.

The terminal conversation begins something like this:

“Leanne, this GPS cost one hundred and forty-eight fricken dollars at Kmart, so who am I gonna believe – you or twenty-first-century satellite technology with a twelve-month warranty?”

“Yes, I know, Barry, but I just didn’t like the look of that sign back there which said ‘No water for next 500 kilometres’.”

Some people are now thinking they can avoid payback from their GPS by switching to satellite guidance from their smartphone. Poor devils. They’ve just jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

Think about what you’ve said into your smartphone. Okay, there have been some good things like wishing your mum a happy Mother’s Day or intimate whisperings to a lover. But your smartphone’s memory prioritises the bad stuff. Sorry. All part of the terms and conditions of its software that you downloaded without reading. Who has the time?

But you better remember that your GPS – or the one in your next hire car which has built up a lifetime of random abuse you had almost nothing to do with – is biding its time.

You’ve been warned.


(Originally published in April 2012, then reloaded in July 2013 to this website.)

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