Future Education

The next time the government decides to fork out zillions of dollars to fund a vision for education into the future, there’s no need to hire a pomposity of professors to write up the bleedin’ obvious. The following summary provides all the major policy guidance they’ll need.

English – early form of SMS.

Mathematics – mainly for gambling but still finding other uses.

Information Technology – nerd integration assistance.

Science – despite persistent rumours, this stopped at Viagra.

History – stuff that happened when people didn’t know any better.

Physical Education – dumbed-down anger management.

Geography – only for povo school students who can’t afford a GPS.

Philosophy – simple questions with endless answers to fit any prejudice.

Music – free downloadable rave accessory.

French – a way of ordering snails that sounds sophisticated.

Chinese – the new English.

Religious Instruction – a losing battle.

Drama – emotional outlet for fashion victims.

Public input is welcome on suitable assessment criteria for the above. Although I can’t guarantee your suggestions will leverage your snout into the funding trough.

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(Originally published in January 2012, then reloaded in July 2013 to this website.)