Your Own Rapid Response Team

Filed in Archive, Blog by on July 20, 2013 0 Comments


Last week on my way to work in Melbourne, I watched a Rapid Response Graffiti Removal Team cleaning up some colourful daubs around a shopping centre. This week Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia De Rossi (Amanda Rogers from Geelong) flew into town, praised Melbourne’s graffiti and made it the theme for their big TV show in Birrarung Marr.

A week is obviously a long time in the graffiti game as well as politics.

So will Ellen’s praise of Melbourne’s graffiti lead to more or less work for the Rapid Response Graffiti Removal Teams? Obviously the praise could bring on a boom of graffiti around town. The Rapid Response Teams could be whipped into a frenzy.

But, then again, graffiti artists might feel as though the subversive basis of their trade has been undermined by mainstream acceptance in the form of Ellen. Poor devils. You can see them now: disillusioned, under-unemployed graffiti artists wandering aimlessly around town like bastards on Father’s Day.

The consequence would be retrenchments at the Rapid Response Graffiti Removal Team Headquarters (next door to Control Headquarters). And their Rapid Response Team vans would be auctioned.

Which brings me to the point of this article: there may be some unemployed rapid response teams, complete with vans, soon going cheap.

They could be re-badged (as shown in the above picture) and put to work for you in whatever capacity you choose. Just as long as you keep them as rapid responders, so as not to go against their natures (however, their problems in the bedroom remain none of your business).

So what would you put them to work as? Be imaginative – something beyond changing the TV channel when you can’t be bothered.

How about responding rapidly to petty authorities who relish giving you a hard time? Think how surprised a shop assistant might be after refusing you a refund and in leaps your own Rapid Response Team to turn the tables. Unfair parking tickets would be a thing of the past (tasers, pepper spray and good old batons are team standards). Public transport ticket inspectors, look out!

And on the home-front there would be lots of worthwhile things to do. What about that person who didn’t pick up the droppings their dog left in front of your place? They’d never do it again after your Rapid Response Team was through with them. Running out of milk, bread or chocolate would be things of the past. Forgetting someone’s birthday or anniversary could be solved in a flash.

What would you ask your own Rapid Response Team to do?


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